BTW: CLICK ON RICHES
Lucky reader. You’ve been
specially chosen as the beneficiary of some excellent advice and a special
secret deal from an authority.
And not just any old
knockabout keyboarder, but a person of flawless repute with a wide circle of
rich and generous friends in the military, law and royalty.
They include Sheetal Singh,
Buti Mkhize, Selian Mawa, Monrat Coetzee, Engineer Henri Uche ... The list goes
on.
These fine folk are spread
around the globe, though mostly in nations such as Mali and Nigeria.
Like Colonel Hussein Harmush,
once a much decorated senior commander before being appointed a bank
director. His name makes this Anglo a
little worried because he might be related to the late Sadam who hung around too
long in Iraq.
So maybe better do business
with Harley Griffin Cunningham; most certainly a good old chappie, a proper
gentleman with an address in Lombard Street, London. I haven’t met the squire, but his name suggests bespoke suits and
distinguished grey-tinged sideburns.
The ladies are also
attractive and have titles like Princess, Countess and Madam. They heap me with God’s blessings and call
me ‘My Dear’ which is flattering indeed because most journalists are used to
being treated with Trumpian scorn.
Their stories are so sad that
I want to reach into my pocket for a hanky, though I get the feeling they’d
prefer my wallet. They suffer from
awful diseases and are so close to the grave that they need to pass on their
inheritance to an honest man. This description fits me well and proves their
acumen.
Though never mentioned one
condition is Altzheimer’s; Miss Zainnas Latif Amin is getting so careless she
drops letters from her name in the body of her message.
That’s not a mistake likely
to be made by Randolph D ‘Tex’ Alles, head of the US Secret Service, who has a
proposition. Though about to accept, I
suddenly wondered why he used an open e-mail account instead of an encrypted
message like James Bond, but then I noticed something funny.
Peculiar, not amusing.
His alias for the reply was
Tony William. This would have fooled
Vladimir Putin’s spies on their mission to Salisbury to see the cathedral
spire, but not your trusted correspondent.
I once knew a man with that name and he was also toxic.
So even if Tony is now working
for Big Tex I still don’t want his presence poisoning my in-box.
Do people still fall for
these shakedowns? Obviously, or the hoaxers would not be exhausting their
creative juices on designing weird names to lure the unsuspecting into sending
$2,000 to cover the ‘administrative costs’ of releasing the $20 million
bequest.
Apparently there are strict
bank rules in Gabon and Chad preventing the capital sum being tapped for these
extra charges. Is that right? Banks in
New Zealand - the world’s least corrupt country - manage hefty deductions to
transfer funds to Indonesia.
The fraud mills are starting
to employ phishers who have developed a few English language skills and
discovered how to use spell checks. But
they still want to capitalize and over-use exclamation marks, which make their
messages funny.
Amusing, not peculiar.
ALERT!!!! Your Microsoft account will be closed
FOREVER unless you renew NOW by clicking this link (which will allow us to
harvest your passwords, drain your credit cards and buy jewelry on your e-bay
account.)
The latest ploy to plant
malware is to send amorous greetings and photos hinting that a click might
reveal more of the lady’s charms than are obvious from the snapshot.
So sorry Mavis Wanczyk, I
hope you’re reading this newspaper and not your computer screen so you can
appreciate my position. Your ankles do
indeed look lovely and I’m sure your thighs would not disappoint - but to be
quite Frank (my on-line disguise) I’m not going to endanger your safety.
If my wife discovered your
presence on our laptop you’d be pixelated permanently.
First published in The Jakarta Post 1 December 2018
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