BTW
The Incremental
Revolution
EXCLUSIVE. The
government will rush through new laws introducing pre-pre-trials preceding
pre-trials before the trials of potential graft suspects backed by past presidents,
their former in-laws and media magnates.
Sources said authorities were determined not to be outwitted
by ornamental revolutionaries frustrating the appointments of senior people by assuming
overflowing bank accounts indicate corruption.
“In a free society even police officers are allowed to amass
fortunes,” a source said. “It shows they’re
also astute businessmen. The nation needs
robust entrepreneurs. There will be
unlimited pre-trials until we get the results we want.”
Earlier heavily armed members of the crack Densus 88 counter-terrorism
squad raided the home of AB, the last remaining employee of the Corruption
Eradication Commission [KPK].
AB’s neighbors in his Ciliwung River kampong said the illiterate
one-legged 60-year old janitor had started work this year in the KPK basement. “I
fear for my mate,” said one. “When the cops have finished with him he won’t
have a leg to stand on.”
Witnesses said AB was dragged from his shower, handcuffed, tear-gassed
and thrown into a windowless wagon before being rushed straight to Police
Headquarters via unsealed tracks on Mount Bromo.
A police officer,
speaking on condition that he or she should remain gender free and anonymous
lest he or she be arrested by someone, said AB had been charged with
subversion. He confirmed AB was being
held on a top floor where toxic cleaning fluids are stored and windows easily
opened.
The spokesthing said police acted after a complaint lodged
against AB by his former elementary school headmaster.
“On the basis of information received from a principled
principal, AB forged his school admission form and asked other pupils to commit
perjury by witnessing his counterfeit thumbprint,” she / he said.
“Informants swear the five-year old was heard to shout: ‘I
hate Soeharto’.
“This is a serious insult to a past Head of State. It threatens the stability of the Republic. When convicted AB will spend 20 years at Nusakambangan
without parole.”
Attempts to confirm the allegation were unsuccessful. Neighbors claimed the teacher, also named
Soeharto, died in 1990,
When questioned by incredulous reporters the spokesthing
said: “Don’t go poking in the past stirring hornets. Your job is to report the present facts as we
say them.
“AB had also conspired to be Jokowi’s running mate. A surprise raid by Densus 88 was necessary to
retrieve the proof and because he’d been observed buying a DVD of The Raid – Redemption. Don’t be fooled
by the wheelchair - he’s a violent practitioner of pencak silat [Indonesian martial arts].
“His bathroom had weapons like razors, hairsprays and soap. AB is a slippery customer alright. The safety of our officers is always our first
concern.
“We also had to ensure the suspect had no time to destroy
incriminating photographs of KPK commissioners with nude teenage models injecting
shabu-shabu in a five-star hotel room
with sacks of US dollars on an unmade bed.
“A laptop was seized and the pictures will be found.”
Following the arrest a senior law lecturer, who called
himself Anon as he has yet to flee overseas, said there was no statute of
limitations.
“It doesn’t matter how long ago the offence was committed; a
crime is still a crime and no-one is above the law enforcers.
”Could a minor be found guilty? That’s a question for the courts, but every
child should know they must respect Pak Soeharto who showed us all what’s right
and wrong. If not, they haven’t been raised properly so could be prosecuted for
selecting irresponsible parents.”
The President, who asked that his name not be published
because he had not been authorized to think by his party leader, said he was considering
saying something at some point in the future should an advisory committee advise
that this was advisable.
“Please be patient and let things take their natural
course,” he told nonplussed journalists before cycling into the streets for Decision-Free
Day.
“Get things in perspective. My government will be
instrumental in introducing the Mental Revolution, but progress has to be
incremental. That’s fundamental. We’ve
embraced democracy, so the next stage is
a good Greek tragedy.” Duncan Graham
First published in The Jakarta Post Sunday 22 February 2015)
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