BAGUS: THAT SHOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH

BTW: SPEECHLESS IN NUSANTARA, SENSELESS DOWN UNDER

If the 18^th Century English essayist Samuel Johnson was writing today he might have honed his wit on antipodean monolinguals rather than women preachers.

Then his Scottish biographer James Boswell could have recorded him saying: ‘Sir, an Australian speaking Indonesian is like a dog walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.’

At an Independence Day function in Western Australia hosted by the genial Consul General Dewi Gustina Tobing at the Perth Town Hall, about 350 guests heard a speech by the Minister for Asian Engagement, Bill Johnston.

Invitees were wound up by being told he’s an endangered species, a politician who  speaks Indonesian.  In a life long before parliament he lived in Bandung as a US Field Service exchange student.

He coughed up enough polysyllables to give a short formal address, but was then upstaged by his political opponent Ian Blayney, who recited Soekarno’s 1945 declaration of Independence, delighting the Nusantarans present.

But none of the glass-clinkers displayed amazement when Ibu Tobing spoke in flawless English as did her staff.

A double standard?  Discrimination?.  Are Australians so arrogant they think all foreigners should be able to understand ‘G’day, ‘ow ya goin’, give us a beer will’ya?’ 

If you’ve ever overheard Okker tourists shouting at Balinese because volume aids comprehension, then you’ll have the answer.

There are now fewer Australian high schoolers studying Indonesian than 40 years ago.  Universities are dropping the subject because, like the rupiah, the language is in free fall

Fortunately Indonesians are generous and forgiving.  You don’t expect us to know your tongue; when you find some who can, you judge our pronunciation beyond weird. 

I’ve given speeches and got polite laughs, but later discovered these were giggles from smartphone memes, not the jokes which pancaked along with my self-esteem and misplaced vowels.

Anglos have the same problems with dialogue in films from America - two close cultures separated by a common language.  It’s often easier to follow the Indonesian subtitles than decode the US slang.

There are signs that the government is getting fed up with outsiders who only know bagus and use it as the universal synonym. 

Earlier this year President Joko Widodo ordered foreigners seeking work permits to get Indonesian language training.  This was a policy U-turn; three years earlier he threw out a similar regulation saying it was bad for business.
Most of the 126,000 expats working in Indonesia are reported to be Asians.  Cynics claim the new law is to show something’s being done about Chinese allegedly laboring on construction projects.
Few details of the tests have emerged.  Will we need competency certificates - and if so, where can these be bought? And for how much?  If investors fail will they and their dollars get deported?
Expat business organizations have reacted by exclaiming quelle horreur! if they’re Europeans, or WTF? if they’re not - which won’t get translated to avoid giving further offence.
But why shouldn’t professionals like engineers and financiers have to learn Indonesian? Then they can tune in to boardroom whispers during big deal negotiations - though the sotto voce could be Javanese, Sundanese, Mandarin or even prokem.
This is the slang mainly used by teens in Jakarta to show how cool they are, which is never easy in the sweltering city. It also gets a run in some sinetron (TV soapies) where I find the words as complex as Latin.  That’s my alibi, which means ‘elsewhere’ in the dead, though not extinct language.
Fortunately sinetron can be enjoyed with the sound off; viewers only half awake will know that the sweet young thing in a headscarf will triumph over the unshaven thug.
If staged on a sidewalk be sure the lass will be run over by a runaway car when she runs away. No director’s running sheet required to know the next scene will be in a run-down clinic where doctors are running tests. Let’s just run through that again.
Indonesians heading south to work or study must pass an English language exam to get long-stay visas.  In Aotearoa (NZ) they’ll fail for answering that a sex peck is a romantic prelude to congress; it’s six cans of beer.
In the Great South Land your mates could be ‘old bastards’, though born in wedlock -- or ‘sport’, though they don’t play games; ‘having a blue’ is not about color though colorful terms may be employed.
Surprisingly many Irish reportedly fail the language test though English dominates the Emerald Isle. Like deterring Chinese workers, rejections may have more to do with keeping them out because the Irish play better rugby.  Which is a sport.  Duncan Graham

(First published in The Jakarta Post 3 November 2018)