ANTI-PORNOGRAPHY LAWS

YONDER COMES THE GOLDEN DAWN –
A HAPPY FUTURE FREE OF PORN © Duncan Graham 2006

Observers say that if the anti-pornography bill becomes law it’s going to have a major impact on society. Too right.

There’ll be change aplenty – and all positive! Balinese painters, film flunkies, alleged artists and other self-promoting naysayers should just butt out.

The benefits will outweigh the negatives. In the future we’ll applaud the far-sighted visionaries who thought up this most essential legislation.

Think positive. Look ahead to the New Indonesia:

· No more skin cancer, but extra aid. The thousands of young Australians who’ve flopped on Sanur’s sands in monokinis are now quivering on dermatologist’s examination couches. Our big neighbor is the carcinoma centre of the known world. But no more. Keeping clothed in Kuta will save generations to come from a nasty disease. A grateful Australia will reward us with even more aid to milk.

· Productivity will soar. Statistics show Indonesian workers are far less efficient than their counterparts in the region. This is because they’re regularly distracted by the sight of female flesh. It’s widely known that Indonesian men never think of sex unless reminded by women, so they’ll now be able to keep their minds on the job.

· Meetings will have real outcomes. In the past much round table discussion has been involved with navel gazing. With belly-buttons banned important gatherings will make clear decisions with follow-throughs leading to measurable results.

· The young will become more articulate. Sinetron scripts have been largely wordless as actors rely on body language to show emotions. No more panting cleavage to exhibit desire. Instead she’ll say: “I think you’re a personable young man. I’d like my parents to meet your parents to check whether you’d make a suitable life partner.” Inevitably high school kids will follow suit and we’ll understand what they’re talking about.

· Boost to tourism. Globalisation is a bore. Everywhere is the same – novelty’s dead. But not in the New Indonesia. Come to the lush and lovely tropics and share the locals’ experience. Go fully clothed to the beach – it really is great fun and you’ll sweat away kilos! Try doing that in Penang or Phuket – they’ll laugh you off the foreshore.

· The fashion industry will bloom. Let’s face it – there’s not much to designing swimwear. How many variations are there on a theme of three triangles? But our smart young things now in technical colleges will turn their skills to top-to-toe outfits – outdoor wear the modern liberated woman must have to express her personality.

· Advertising will go cerebral. Layout artists won’t be able to drape cheeky bottle-blondes over the bonnet to sell a car. Copywriters will have to provide the vehicle’s statistics, not hers: “This model has two nicely rounded D size headlamps and a smooth 120 centimetre big end.”

· Getting stability back into marriage. Why is the divorce rate so high? Because couples get bored. They’ve seen it all long before the betrothals. But imagine a wedding night of real discovery and the start of lifetime learning. “Darling, what on earth is that? Is it some sort of growth – are you all right?”

· Investors will return in Airbusses packed like bemo. Travel warnings will cease. Armed with the certainty that there’ll be no more demonstrations because there’ll be nothing left to complain about, overseas cash will flow in a torrent. Labourers will stay at their lathes, seamstresses at their spindles. A placid workforce makes for a happy factory and profits to repatriate. Expect more Saudi riyals – and not just to erect minarets.

· Jobs for all. It took decades to build Borobudur – and it’ll take just as long to demolish all those obscene carvings. In its place the State will commission magnificent bas-reliefs from our most imaginative stonemasons. These carvings will celebrate modern Indonesia through the everyday lives of its citizens striving for a better future. The poor denied entry to schools. Workers in feudal sweatshops. The sick dying for want of care. Men hewing timber from protected forests. Women drawing water from polluted wells. Future generations viewing this monumental tribute will marvel at our industry and ask each other: “How did such a society get its priorities so right?”

(First published in The Sunday Post 12 March 2006)
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