TRAVELS OF A HYPER-POLYGLOT

PUTI WIJAYA'S KIWI TRANSLATOR

Foreigners struggling for fluency in Indonesian would happily throttle Stephen Epstein, just to stop their shame.

For while dilettantes stumble through thickets of syntax, wrestling with the prefixes and suffixes that tangle the allegedly easy language, Dr Epstein finds it all a stroll in the paddy. For this linguist only Melanesian pidgin is easier.

And to make it even more galling the New Zealand academic is self-taught. Korea, its language, history and social structures are his prime interests and where he focuses his intellectual efforts, not Indonesia.

He is currently studying the reshaping of South Korea’s national identity and its transformation into a cosmopolitan society. His students are researching issues in Japan and South Korea. Yet Indonesia continues to seduce.

He’s just released a translation of a famous Indonesian novel. In August as a Presidential Friend of Indonesia he met President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono. Indonesia’s Ministry for Foreign Affairs sponsored the visit.

Dr Epstein, 48, was educated at Boston in a suburban mono-cultural environment, and then went to Harvard where he studied ancient Mediterranean languages. When he moved to the multi-cultural west coast to do his Ph D at the University of California he discovered a greater affinity with Pacific cultures.

He was initially urged to study Chinese because of the business opportunities, but “fascination with languages and a desire to explore the experiences of daily life in other cultures” overtook any plans for a suited corporate career.

After wrapping his mind around Greek, Latin, Mandarin and a few other languages the backpacking hyper-polyglot who collects vocabularies and grammars like others gather souvenirs headed for Asia.

In 1990 after studying for a year in Korea he headed for Malaysia but wasn’t over enthused. So he hopped across to Indonesia. Enchanted by the people, the culture and words he stayed, wandered and absorbed. His learning style is to listen, converse, and read, rather than write

“Some learn languages to travel,” he said. “I travel to learn languages. It helps when you can approach people instead of having them start the conversation, expecting to use English. I’d rather be in the position of controlling the encounter.

“In Indonesia people are friendly and relaxed. I just smile and let the conversation go. It’s not usually like that in Europe.

“I’ve only had a couple of bad experiences, one in Lombok where I was being set up for a mugging, but got away, and the other in North Sulawesi when two drunk policemen tried to force their way into my hotel room one New Year’s Eve.

“Such events are rare. Usually I get asked into people’s homes, to meet families, to attend weddings and parties. I’ve been invited for tea, stayed for lunch and still been there days later.”

The one time hitchhiker is now director of the Asian Studies Program at Victoria University of Wellington.

But he keeps returning to Indonesia, sometimes accompanied by his Korean wife Mi Young. He goes to tramp the mountains, explore the archipelago’s lush landscape and polish his language skills using every available source.

“I found listening to BBC broadcasts in Indonesian particularly helpful,” he said.

”As the register (level) of language goes up, the language gets easier. So I still have problems with sinetron (soap operas). The situation is reversed in Korean.”

Dr Epstein’s skills are now on public display with the release of his translation of Putu Wijaya’s Telegram, written in 1973. The translation, published by the Jakarta based Lontar Foundation as part of its Modern Library of Indonesia series covering the past 80 years, will be re launched at the Singapore Writers’ Festival on 22 October.

An earlier launch was hosted last month (September) in Wellington by Agus Sriyono, the Indonesian Ambassador to NZ.

It’s the first time the prolific Balinese writer’s novel has been available in English. The task was neither simple nor speedy. Dr Epstein has already translated some Indonesian short stories and was keen to handle a book, but his academic duties got in the way.

These included teaching and editing the volume Understanding Indonesia published by Victoria University’s Asian Studies Institute, and running seminars on Indonesian studies.

The translation of Telegram started in 2003 but got shelved for four years. The task wasn’t made easier by the quality of the original printing.

“I worked for some time with a particular sentence but couldn’t get it to make sense,” Dr Epstein said. “Eventually I contacted Putu who sorted out the problem straight away: The version I was working on had publishing misprints.”

Telegram is a stream-of-consciousness story of a lonely knockabout Balinese magazine journalist living in Jakarta with his ten-year old foster-daughter. A telegram arrives saying his mother is ill.

Should he return and take up his family responsibilities, or continue his indecisive, directionless life?

Although the publisher is promoting the book for its insights into Indonesian life, helping make the literature more accessible to foreigners, Telegram doesn’t depend on location. It isn’t thick with cultural references difficult to penetrate.

The novel is sprinkled with references to Western and Indonesian literary figures and quotes in the style favored by poet and essayist Goenawan Mohamad, who helped establish Lontar in 1984.

The book also has some snappy one liners (‘in love, anxiety is never far away’, ‘being insignificant takes guts, too’ and ‘daydreamers can get roughed up’) which gives Telegram an easy Perry Mason feel.

The anti-hero is an individualist who drinks beer, chases whores, has a long-standing imagined relationship with a married woman and generally acts in a most un-Indonesian way. Or in the way Indonesians are supposed to behave.

And all this back in the early days of the morally uptight and suspicious Soeharto regime, though Dr Epstein said Putu had not suffered the censorship and condemnation of other writers of that era.

Now 67, Putu has written 30 novels, 40 dramas, short stories and sinetron scripts. He will be present at the Singapore launch, along with Dr Epstein. Another Lontar book, a translation of Oka Rusmini’s Earth Dance, described as being about Balinese women confronted by social realities will also feature.

In his Wellington office with views cascading down to a cricket ground, the tops of city high-rises and the harbour beyond Dr Epstein rejected suggestions that he’d be better off on an Australian campus where Indonesian studies are a major discipline and the archipelago just a short flight north.

“I love to walk the NZ mountains, just as I do those in Indonesia,” he said. “I don’t intend to move, but I’ll continue visiting Indonesia. Learning the language is an ongoing process. I still have a few peaks left to climb.”

(First published in The Jakarta Post 10 October 2011)

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KOREAN BOSSES CRUEL, CLAIM RI SHIP JUMPERS

A group of 39 Indonesian fishermen who allege they’ve been brutally mistreated on South Korean fishing boats face deportation from New Zealand this week.

In June 32 men jumped the Oyang 75 at Lyttelton, saying they had been unpaid or badly paid, worked long hours and been beaten. Some claimed sexual abuse. They sought sanctuary in an Anglican church. A further seven quit the Shin Ji in Auckland.

(Lyttelton is the port for Christchurch, the city hit by a 7.1 earthquake last year that killed 166.)

Agus Sriyono, the Indonesian Ambassador to NZ, said he believed the men’s claims but wondered why they had continued working for the company, sometimes for years.

There was little the Embassy could do other than mediate because the men and their employers had hired lawyers to take civil action. Some issues were a matter for NZ and Korea, he said.

He said improvements had to be made in hiring labour so Indonesian agents understood NZ law. The men’s contracts specified wages around US$ 400 (Rp 3.4 million) a month, but NZ rates were higher.

“The men have been waiting for their back pay before leaving,” the Ambassador said. “I’m a bit optimistic they’ll get at least half their wages. It seems the NZ police don’t want to be involved because the alleged offences happened outside territorial waters.”

In a media statement the ship’s owners Sajo Oyang Corporation rejected the allegations, saying it was working with NZ authorities to resolve an ‘industrial dispute’.

Local people, the Anglican Diocese and the Indonesian Embassy, has supported the men in Christchurch, according to community leader Dr Ani Kartikasari. About 300 Indonesians live in the city.

Dr Ani, who has been in NZ for the past eight years, has been interpreting for the men.

“New Zealanders in general have been very kind,” she said. “One church member has given NZ$ 10,000 (Rp 70 million) anonymously. This has been used to support the men’s families. mainly in their Central Java hometown of Tegal.

“But the companies involved have been bad and nasty. The men have been working under slave conditions.”

Jolyon White, the social justice enabler with Christchurch Anglican Diocese said the men, aged between 24 and 36, were living at a motor camp.

“They are coping pretty well and have been helping the community by shovelling snow and assisting in a food bank,” he said. “Naturally they all want to get back to their families.

“The biggest concern I have is that they’ve been working under really bad and immoral contracts. These say the men and their families will forfeit all their property and be fined huge sums if they breach their contracts.”

Mr White said he and other activists were contacting human rights organizations in Indonesia to raise the men’s plight.

They were also trying to persuade the NZ police that the issue was more than just a wage dispute and involved human trafficking. If successful some of the men might be required to stay in NZ to give evidence, he said

Tomorrow (Thur 11 Aug) a seminar will be held at Auckland University to discuss research into human rights abuses on foreign charter vessels.

Researchers interviewed Indonesian fishermen in NZ and their families in Indonesia. They allegedly found ‘disturbing levels of inhumane conditions and (that these) practices have become institutionalised.’

Last year five Indonesians and one Korean died when the Korean boat Oyang 70 sank 750 kilometers off the east coast of NZ.

Ambassador Agus Sriyono said he’d met the men twice and had sent staff to Christchurch to help. The Embassy had given $NZ 2,000 (Rp 14 million) . NZ Immigration would pay for the men’s airfares and some accommodation, and try to recover the money from the ship agents, he said.

A NZ Government ministerial inquiry will be held into the operations of foreign-crewed charter vessels operating in NZ waters. However the terms of reference have yet to be announced.

NZ law requires foreign crews operating out of NZ ports to be paid NZ rates and be given regular breaks. The minimum wage is $NZ 13 (Rp 90,000) an hour.

(First published in The Jakarta Post 10 August 2011)

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LITTLE SUMS - BIG BENEFITS

Micro-credit - with no interest

Like many Australians Peter Johnston (above) enjoyed a Bali holiday. Unlike most of his compatriots he wanted more than surf and beer, so started wandering the Archipelago, living frugally, travelling rough, exploring, learning.

In 2007 he just happened to be in the West Sumatran town of Bukittinggi. As usual he started chatting with the locals. The retired social worker was particularly interested in the plight of the poor and began talking about aid programs.

“In the past I’d donated to the big international non-government organisations, but I’d never been comfortable when I didn’t know where my money was going,” he said.

“Everywhere I went in Indonesia it was obvious that if people didn’t have a job or business, then they have no income and were dependant on support from relatives and friends. It was a complete contrast to Australia where a universal welfare system looks after the unemployed, the elderly and those too sick to work.

“It was also clear that compared to Australia just small amounts of money could break the poverty cycle. I thought I’d risk AUD $500 (Rp 4.5 million) to see if I could help.”

He was privately prepared to lose his cash, but most of his loans were repaid on time. From this modest outlay a small business loan scheme has developed and is now circulating 30 times Peter’s original capital – and growing fast. It has also expanded into Bandung in West Java.

Bamboo Micro Credit is now a licensed charity in Indonesia providing start-up and running capital for village and market entrepreneurs. These are people who wouldn’t otherwise be able to find the cash to develop their ideas – or if they could they’d be mauled by savage interest rates.

Bamboo is also registered in Western Australia so donors can make tax-deductible bequests.

A newspaper story in Peter’s hometown of Perth resulted in about 40 inquiries from locals keen to contribute. Donors were attracted by the small nature of the enterprise, the simplicity of its operation and its local character and management. They also wanted to learn more about Indonesia.

Some asked if they could give goods. One woman proposed taking four sewing machines to Indonesia believing that a personal donation would be most beneficial.

“I had to persuade her that apart from the transport and customs problems the money needed to buy four machines in Perth could be used to buy many more in Sumatra,” said Peter. “Eventually she realised the impracticalities.

“Suggested donations are AUD $20 (Rp 180,000) for an individual and AUD $100 (Rp 900,000) for a business. We collect the money in Australia and spend it in Indonesia. Unlike other micro-credit schemes, such as the Grameen Bank (established in Bangladesh in 1976) we don’t charge interest.

“We do charge a five percent administration fee which is used to employ a manager in Indonesia who handles applications and repayments.

“Normally about 95 per cent of loans are repaid. I reckon that’s a figure the banks would like to have. This is largely because we take time looking at applicants’ propositions and business abilities, and their capacity to repay before we advance money.

“The one major defaulter was really my fault because I over-rode local advice and maintained a loan for a business that was going downhill.”

The manager is Fikar, a tour guide Peter met in Bukittinggi and who immediately saw the potential in the idea.

Fikar suggested the name Bamboo because it’s resilient, strong and flexible - and can be used as a multi-purpose building material.

The beneficiaries have included warung (roadside food stall), operators, a truck driver delivering produce to markets and needing money for essential repairs, small shop keepers, clothing manufacturers and farmers requiring seeds to plant a new crop.

The average loan is a little over one million rupiah (US $115). In the traditional market economy traders are loaned small amounts for short periods, paying high interest, and sometimes borrowing from one lender to repay another. (See Sidebar.)

Peter stressed that he was not being driven by religious motives to assist poor Indonesians and that he wasn’t pushing any other agendas.

“We’re just helping the poor help themselves,” he said. “As far as I know all are Muslims, though that’s not the issue. Bamboo is not welfare and we’re not giving handouts.

“Personally I don’t like supporting people to sell cigarettes, but that’s the reality, so what’s the point in interfering?

“Indonesia is Australia’s neighbor and we have a duty to help. Unemployment is about 25 per cent and rising. The social welfare systems are poorly developed.

“These are the sort of people shunned by the mainstream banks, even when they have good business proposals and are hard working. That’s because they can’t offer any collateral. However they wouldn’t feel comfortable in a bank because these are alien places handling documents that can’t be understood.

“As a social worker (he used to manage a government agency) I’ve long been interested in community development.

“I really wanted a challenge and the ability to employ the skills I’ve amassed in Australia. The people supporting me are just a bunch of professionals with a common interest in Indonesia and keen to keep this a grassroots organization.”

Bamboo’s success has boosted demands for loans. It’s also meant recruiting directors and other volunteers in Perth who can help manage the enterprise, handling the money and ensuring accounts are properly maintained.

The paperwork is multiplying. Meetings, newsletters, formalities, reports. Busy, busy. Policies are being developed, necessary for accountability but a worry – the original vision could disappear under a landslide of procedures.

“Growth can be dangerous,” said Peter. “Big is cumbersome. We’ve been offered 3,500 Euros (Rp 44 million) from a Dutch organisation, even though we haven’t gone looking for money.

“We have to be selective in the way we make loans. This is not our money – it’s the donors. We’ve attracted support because we’re small, personal and hands-on. We don’t borrow money because this would add to our costs.

“There’s no need for poverty. It could be eliminated if ten per cent of the richest people in the world gave ten per cent of their wealth to the poor.

“I hope that Bamboo’s success will help improve relations between the people of Indonesia and Australia.”

(For more details see www.bamboomicrocredit.org.au )

HOW SMALL TRADERS SURVIVE

Mbah (Grandma) Saminten (above) is one of the millions of small businesspeople who hold up the Indonesian economy. Most are women, expertly buying, selling, making, and trading in every village, port and town across the Republic. Her speciality is rujak cingur, which means cow’s snout salad.

Saminten started her business as a teenage mum needing to support her family. She eventually had seven children.

Her grandmother taught her how to make rujak cingur and she started selling it door to door.

“Later I moved into the Klojen market (in a suburb of Malang) where I rented a stall. But I had to pay too much and the market cashier took all my profits. So I moved outside.”

She now rents about four square meters in front of a smokes and sodas shop and under an overhang for Rp 5,000 (US $ 0.55) a day.

Saminten had to borrow Rp 500,000 (US $ 55) to buy the furniture and fittings, including a glass display case, two plastic stools and a banner advertising her business. The interest rate was Rp 15,000 a day. She didn’t know anything about mainstream banks so used bank titil.

These are the loan sharks that cruise Indonesian markets lending to traders caught short and at exorbitant rates. Titil is a Javanese word meaning small regular repayments.

“I wanted to borrow from a cooperative because the interest rates are lower and I can repay once a month, not every day,” she said. “But the paperwork is too complicated. It’s expensive but easier just to use bank titil.”

Other women shopkeepers who joined the discussion confirmed that many small businesspeople were constantly juggling their meagre funds using bank titil. They borrow from others to repay loans, losing their profits in every transaction, never getting ahead of the game.

(First published in The Jakarta Post 28 July 2011)

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WHY I'LL QUIT INDONESIA DURING RAMADAN

 TESTING TOLERANCE

When you choose to live in another country you have to make concessions and change behaviour. Particularly when that nation is Islamic.

Australians abroad must adapt, just like foreigners going to secular Sydney and wishing to slaughter goats in the backyard, take on extra wives or circumcise their daughters.

I enjoy Anker stout, which is much under-valued – the taste, not the price. However that’s off the shelves. I should have stocked up before the town council ordered all shops to remove grog during the month before the holy month lest the sight of a shelf of grog inflame devout shoppers.

I could also have done a bulk-buy of bacon though the quality is poor and use-by dates suspect. This I know for certain because my sister-in-law used to be employed re-dating expired goods, like dairy products.

Putting up with grumpiness, road rage and slack workers as the majority adjust to forced fasting isn’t pleasant, but can be forgiven. People behave in much the same way during a long Australian heatwave.

The appallingly congested roads as millions head out of the cities for mudik (reconnecting with their families and village roots) is bedlam – but so are Australian highways at Easter.

The drivers are seldom drunk, but they are grossly fatigued and overloaded, which is almost as dangerous. Best to stay inside for a few days.

If you’re a reasonable distance from a mosque the amplified five daily calls to prayer eventually become part of the soundscape, along with the cries of kaki lima, the pushcart vendors of every food you might need, cooked or fresh – provided its halal (allowed)

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So what’s the problem?

What I can’t tolerate are the loud-speaker vans cruising the suburbs telling people to pray and breakfast at 3.30 am.

Nor can I stand the indiscriminate use of fireworks during the fasting month. This is supposed to be illegal (joke) but unannounced bangs like gunshots at all hours is too much for anyone conscious that frustrated fundamentalists are still cruising the nation’s streets.

So farewell to the Republic for a while. Sadly because we’ll miss 17 August celebrations, which are usually a lot of fun, but this year coincide with Ramadan.

We could shift to Christian North Sulawesi where we have relatives, but even in that thinly populated province there’s little peace and quiet. Many churches have followed Islamic practices and installed loudspeakers to remind people of their Sunday obligations.

When confronted by such problems the usual advice is this: If you can’t beat them, join them.

I can’t do the former and I won’t do the latter. Islam can do without this soul so we’re heading south to where the laws on noise pollution are policed and minorities’ views given some consideration, however scant.

(First published in On-Line Opinion on 1 August 2011)

UPDATE: Former Vice President Jusuf Kalla has been reported as saying there's 'no other country in the world except Indonesia where the call to prayer is deafening'. See http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/home/jusuf-kalla-calls-on-mosques-to-turn-it-down-during-ramadan/456284

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JAKARTA KIDS GET DOWN & DIRTY

Finding history’s buried treasures Duncan Graham

It would soil this story to say that the junior high school students approached the task with enthusiasm.

Turning over the earth may be one of humanity’s most basic, tiring but satisfying tasks – but for wealthy Jakarta kids it’s a job that should be done by others,

Some handled the trowels, forks and other garden tools as though they were live rats. Others shrunk to the back of the crowd to see if they could catch a cellphone signal, for the ancient Majapahit era capital of Trowulan is full of dead spots.

Few succeeded because patrolling teacher Sharon Maminta has a keen eye for backsliders. She knows all the teenage tricks, hustling her charges to the front, frustrating their plans for Blackberry chatathons.

However some, like Kanina Anindita, 13, had no qualms about getting dirt under her fingernails. She was soon rewarded with success, the shattered shards of an earthenware pot uncovered only centimeters below the surface.

No matter that workers organised by veteran conservationist and educator Dr Suryo Prawiroatmodjo had planted the artefact. Making the students play Indiana Jones minus the heroics was part of a weeklong history, culture and the environment workshop he coordinated in East Java at the end of April.

Ms Anindita and friends plotted the pot’s location, then measured and photographed the precise spot where it was found. She drew a careful plan like a professional archaeologist and got suitably outraged when a clumsy classmate (a boy, of course) trampled the diggings.

“It’s a waste of time if we just come here, stand around and do nothing,” she said. “Learning about the kingdom of Majapahit, its strong government and the culture that blossomed here has been a great pleasure.

“I’ve also been impressed to see how some monuments have been reconstructed. I’m proud to have this as part of my past.”

At this point sceptics need to be assured that these are the Mentari International School girl’s own words spoken in flawless English with no ‘you knows’, ‘stuff like that’ and other corruptions of language so frequently found among Western teens.

“These are bright students, but till now many have not been exposed to life outside Jakarta,” said Ms Maminta while 58 young people sat on the floor of the Trowulan Museum making terracotta figures, modelled on the 15th century examples in the surrounding glass cases.

Others tried to decode inscriptions in ancient Javanese lettering etched on tombstones and moulded in clay.

Ms Maminta spent ten years teaching in the Philippines honing her disciplinary and organisational skills before moving to Indonesia three years ago to teach world history.

“They also come from privileged backgrounds,” she said “Every year we run a community study week to take the students out of their comfort zone. It gives them insights they can’t get in the classroom.

“This is an inter-disciplinary course involving science, history, geography, language, economic and mathematics. They are discovering how the Majapahit people lived and worked – even what they ate.

“The other factor is that by living together they also learn how to interact with others. It makes them better people.”

The campsite and center for most activities was distant from Trowulan. This was the sprawling ‘Integrated Outdoor Campus’ of the University of Surabaya (Ubaya) at Trawas, about two hours by car south of the East Java capital.

The two-year-old campus is on the cool lower slopes of Mount Penanggungan, summit of the sacred mountain Mahameru, transferred from India according to Majapahit legend.

Operations manager Theophilus Hermawan said he remained confused at the role of the complex he controls. “I don’t know whether we are a university campus, an outdoor training center or a tourist resort,” he said.

While he and his superiors work out the next stage the desk-bound executives come at weekends to bond and discover new muscles. Although called a campus there are no full-time students.

On weekdays schools like Mentari enjoy imaginatively designed buildings set in 38 hectares of lush bush – some of it planted, the rest left as virgin forest, ideal for adventure trails,

Thankfully absent are the standard kitsch statues common in similar attractions that owe more to Disney than the diverse culture of East Java. Ubaya has its own low-key style. At times it’s a mite over-manicured, but overall the tone works.

There’s a composting station, a flock of sheep, a flying fox, botanical gardens and ample space to explore. Accommodation includes North Sulawesi-style high-stump timber houses with solar powered hot water and composting toilets – but limited communication. Internet addicts will suffer withdrawal symptoms. For those seeking spiritual relief there are sacred spaces and much mysticism.

Some of this was provided by villagers recruited by Dr Suryo to demonstrate their ancient skills in puppet creation and music making. Elder Tri Wibowo Jayakusuma got instant Justin Bieber fame when his alleged fortune telling powers were revealed.

It was a neat reversal: The mall rats in skimpy shorts now had to listen to sarong-clad grannies, the people who are seen but seldom heard in the kitchens of city apartments. They showed how to make madu mongso (black sticky rice), a delicacy. The process is laborious. Quicker to order a pizza – even in this remote area.

More interesting to the girls was the preparation of lulur, a skin whitening cream made from leaves garnered in the forest supermarket. Vanity then, as now.

“History has long been taught by listing the names and dates of kings and battles,” said Dr Suryo. “We are reminding the students that the past also included the lives of ordinary people who went about their business as we do.

“The Majapahit, once the supreme trading force in lower Southeast Asia developed sophisticated technology to pipe water. They built with extraordinary precision that makes us wonder at their knowledge and skills.”

After almost a millennium the Hindu-Buddhist kingdom suddenly collapsed around five centuries ago for reasons not clearly understood, with many fleeing to Bali.

Dr Suryo’s education philosophy resonated with student Tegishtha Andhika Iman Soewarno (Tata), 14, whose research revealed an ancestor may have been an assistant in the Yogya court of Prince Diponegoro.

He was the Javanese guerrilla hero who took on the Dutch, only to be defeated in 1830 by being tricked into peace talks – then arrested and banished.

“Unfortunately it seems possible this ancestor may have been involved in the Prince’s betrayal,” said Tata ruefully.

“Through this experience I see the past as it was. It’s given me a new perspective. My family comes from East Java, but till now it’s been a distant place, not so important. No longer.”

(Disclosure: The author was provided with free accommodation and meals).

(First published in The Jakarta Post Tuesday 7 July 2011

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INDONESIAN FILM - THE GROSS, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Not a ghost of a chance for Cannes

Living overseas means few chances to see how the Indonesian film industry is progressing after decades of Soeharto’s scissors and suppression.

Are the newly liberated creative forces challenging the world with their passion and purpose, telling the Indonesia story as never before?

Is Jakartawood shaking Hollywood and Bollywood?

Back in the Big Durian and a chance to check the latest offering, Pocong Mandi Goyang Pinggul. Numerous translations present – take your pick: Shrouded Corpse Bathing while Hip Shaking, or Unstable Dancing Ghost takes a Bath.

Posters showed nubile maidens heading to the bathroom hoping to freshen up. Sub-text: They’ll be frightened out of their wits. And presumably their clothes.

The title was a mite off-putting – it hardly had the ring of The King’s Speech but sounded more cerebral than Kung Fu Panda 3. The advertising stressed the film had been made in Indonesia and Hollywood. So we got a few over-exposed stock shots of LA and a man in dark glasses who irons his own shirts, proving he’s a real bule (foreigner).
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The storyline had promise. Grime and heavy metals come out of our taps, so a ghost would be logical. Rats use our drains as a turnpike, so why not a phantom of the pipes? The special effects might be fun.

Sadly the ghost never got into the shower. It appeared in bedrooms and hallways looking like a black-faced Ronald McDonald wearing a white sheet, about as scary as the neighbor’s maid asking for a cup of sugar.

The ghost also popped out of the fridge. This was a good health message, reminding the audience never to leave defrosted fish for more than a week.

There were a few other spooks but they lived in a graveyard, wore clean shrouds despite spending most time in the dirt, shaking their shimmering black locks, lovely as a shampoo commercial.

The happy news here is that even being interred shouldn’t mean a bad hair day.

The slapstick routines included a man chased up a ladder by a ghost, losing bladder control and saturating his pursuer. This had the audience wetting themselves with laughter.

A scene with a dwarf would have offended Western human rights activists, but making fun of the handicapped seems to be a national sport.

There must have been a plot, but maybe I blinked. People dancing in a disco, drinking like fishes and having a car accident. One patient’s face is like the inside of a papaya, but no matter a month later the survivor looks fine.

Our hero likes to Skype with Sasha, his girlfriend in California. This is Sasha Grey (aka Marina Hantzis), an American porn stardust who must be desperate for work now she’s turned 23 and started to droop.

The couple exchange heartfelt wit and wisdom: “I miss you.” “I miss you too.” Masochistic Sasha sits on hot leather sofas in a bikini so clearly she’ll come to a sticky end. She also leans forward a lot, presumably to satisfy the boyfriend who’s turned kinky since the accident.

His worried mum gets a private eye to check the lass. He finds her swimming alone in her luxury villa with the door open. As they do in California.

She can’t talk until she’s showered, which means undoing her top and the tap. The latter is more interesting, but sadly the ghost doesn’t appear – presumably lost somewhere in the plumbing on his way across the Pacific.

Is this burnt-bottom Sasha? No, that’s her deceased twin.

The film ended abruptly. Handphones switched off and couples started rearranging their clothing. More flesh was exposed inside the theater than on the screen.

Soft porn? This was mush porn, as erotic as a cold shower with a dancing ghost in Antarctica. As intellectually appetising as the leftovers in the frightener’s fridge.

Last year the same company produced The Menstruating Ghost of Puncak. To the producers’ delight this was condemned by the MUI – the Indonesian Council of Islamic Scholars.

So far the self appointed guardians of public morality have wisely refused to act as unpaid promoters and trash this film. It does the job well enough itself.

Take it easy, Cannes. The definitive Indonesian entry will be a while coming yet.

(First published in The Sunday Post 5 June 2011)

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NEW MAN IN THE BIG DURIAN

Greg Moriarty = Right man for 2011?


According to The Australian newspaper’s conservative commentator Greg Sheridan, the new Australian Ambassador to Indonesia is the right man for the times.

Maybe that means Greg Moriarty can articulate Australia’s position in a robust way without fearing to offend Jakarta. The appeasement policy has run its course; Soeharto has gone and democracy is finding its feet. The Archipelago no longer faces ‘Balkanisation’.

Moriarty isn’t a newbie – he was in Jakarta 12 years ago as a political counsellor. Like most senior staff he studied Indonesian in Yogya. So he shouldn’t have been sledgehammered on arrival at Soekarno-Hatta by either the convolutions of Javanese politics or the chaos of the Republic’s capital.

He’s also served as Ambassador in Iran so is hopefully across Islamic affairs, if not security alerts and working in a bunker. The transition isn’t smooth: Indonesia follows Sunni Islam and Iran Shi’a.

Moriarty’s appointment means a return to promoting a career diplomat. His predecessor Bill Farmer once ran Immigration, and according to Sheridan was given Jakarta by former PM John Howard as a reward for services during the boat people crises.

Reward? The posting may be prestigious but the job is firefighting, hosing down blazes before they turn into conflagrations without making anyone wet.

In Surabaya at a function on a Madura ferry organised by the East Java branch of the Australian Indonesian Business Council and before 170 guests, Moriarty said all the usual worthy lines about close cooperation and economic ties. Meanwhile the Australian public was reeling from revelations that Indonesian abattoirs have been gratuitously brutalising Australian cattle.

If Moriarty is as tough as claimed then maybe sharp words are being exchanged out of public earshot. Indonesians who care not a whit about animal welfare are wondering what the fuss is all about, unaware that across the Arafura beast bashing arouses extreme wrath.

Indonesia doesn’t have a pet culture: Only Chinese keep dogs while cats are scavengers and targets for kids’ gings. The mangy, rabies-infested mongrels of Hindu Bali and Christian Nias are not for patting.

PM Julia Gillard has reportedly been getting an e-mail a second about the problem. It’s not an issue that’s going to boost Indonesia’s image among ordinary Australians who, apart from Bali, aren’t too fond of their neighbours.

Indonesia gets a fair whack of Australian taxpayers’ money, around AUD $2.5 billion in development assistance over five years. The aims are splendid – to decrease poverty, improve potable water supplies and lift education.

None of this decency seems to impact on Indonesian bureaucrats who continue to treat their generous neighbours with suspicion and sometimes hostility.

Indonesia’s infrastructure desperately needs upgrading. The taxation system should be pulling in trillions, but misses out through corruption and maladministration. Is it Australia’s job to pick up the shortfall? There never seems to be a lack of local cash for new mosques, shopping malls and opulent buildings for politicians – so why not schools and roads?

There are no limits to the problems flowing from two so absolutely dissimilar nations living so closely. Apart from people smuggling by Indonesian nationals aided by bent officials, the absence of impartial justice is a major block for foreigners investing in the Archipelago. So is the mass of regional regulations and authorities on the take. Nationalism and radical Islam add to the woes. Australian Islamophobia doesn’t help.

Moriarty is a former Perth lad who headed East after his days at the University of WA. Along the way he’s attracted ribbing from those raised on Conan Doyle and Spike Milligan

Professor Moriarty was Sherlock Holmes’ arch enemy and Count Jim Moriarty a bizarre character in The Goon Show. Greg Moriarty remains amused. Just as well. There won’t be too many laughs in the months ahead sorting out cattle eye-gougers, Aussie drug mules and ticket touts offering one-way trips to Christmas Island – arrival not guaranteed.

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